Truth Byte #1:
"Let the relationship define the moment rather than the moment defining the relationship."
This morning, I was angry.
At everyone.
But mostly at myself.
I knew I should have gone to bed earlier, and I woke up cranky with a full day ahead of me.
I rushed around, getting the kids bathed and fed and out the door, only to remember as we were getting into the car that it was pyjama day at my son’s school. So I ran back into the house, grabbed the warmest pair I could find (I am a mom after all!) and jammed them into his backpack. “It’s Pyjama Day, and I forgot. You can get ready at school”, I told him.
His eyes welled up with tears, probably because I had forgotten and he had forgotten and now he would be the only one in his class who had to change at school.
Or maybe because I picked the wrong ones.
Or maybe because I had that frustrated look on my face and he assumed he had done something wrong.
Whatever the reason for that well of tears, he just nodded and said “Ok Mom.” I gave him a quick and grateful squeeze, jumped in the car and got to the school right as the bell was ringing.
I have moments like this all the time.
Moments where I am frantic, and rushing, and hoping against hope that my kids, my husband, my friends my parents will forgive me for forgetting, for screwing up, for saying the wrong thing, for rushing through an opportunity to connect.
And thank Heaven I have a forgiving and understanding circle of love around me.
My relationships define my moments.
Because I have a lot of not-so-pretty moments.
And if those I love let these moments define our relationship, we would be a fractured, fragmented, unraveling mess rather than the tight and colourful tapestry of love and laughter that we are.
They forgive me, that try not to take my shortcomings personally, they let me be human. Because at the end of the day, I can’t really remember all the glorious sunsets I have seen. But I do remember who was with me as I watched them.
This morning, that quick squeeze of understanding and apology became our personal sunset.
My son made our relationship more important than my momentary mistake, and in a split second he both moved from sadness to forgiveness.
If a six year-old can do it, so can you.
(Originally written 5 years ago!)
Dr. Saira Sabzaali
Dr. Saira (she/her) provides mental health support through individual counselling, groups, immersive workshops/courses, and free educational content. Over the last 14 years, we have helped men and women of many backgrounds find answers to their questions about work, life, love, and meaning. Much mainstream psychology overlooks spirituality, family values, and community context, so we have decided to specialize in serving clients who are ready for change and also want to include their cultural values and spiritual beliefs into therapy.
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