Truth Byte #19

Truth Byte #19

Yesterday, I had a moment.  It was one of those moments I always imagined my “lucky-bitch-self” to be having.  

I had the usual part-time working mom morning with lunches to pack and beds to make and assisting with tooth-brushing and picking out clothes for my seven-year old boy while negotiating outfits with my three-year old girl and serving a nutritious breakfast and making sure their backpacks had all their treasures contained safely inside in the “right” pockets and signing the field trip note and throwing $5 in a Zip-loc bag with the note and then into the garage to put on shoes and coats and grab umbrellas just in case and I think I squeezed a shower in there somewhere too.  

Just as we were leaving for school and preschool/daycare, my house-cleaner arrived and started her work.


After dropping off the various children to the various locations, I went to the gym.  Best Zumba class ever, and one of my friends even showed up! Then off to grab a few essentials from the drug store and finally home to a sparkling house.  The cleaner left, and then it was just me, in my gym clothes, after an incredible workout, a leisurely window shopping outing, and with no papers to write or meals to make or laundry to do or presentations to prepare or website to work on or clients to respond to.  

I had nothing to do but sit on my favourite chair and look around at my clean house.  

Nothing to do.

At all.

And this was my moment.

This was the moment I always imagined I would have as rich woman, or as Denise Duffield- Thomas calls it, a lucky bitch.  

And it happened.

I had nothing to do, and nowhere to be.  I had no interest in eating or watching television or posting on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter or going for a walk or journaling or scrapbooking or busying up myself in any way.

I just sat there.

And relished in having it all.

My husband often warns me about saying that out loud.  “You have to have humility,” he says.  And I agree.  

I know there are millions of people out there who don’t have what I do.  I used to be one of those people.  And so it’s not from a place of I-am-better-than-you.  It’s simply from a place of if-I-can-do-it-so-can-you.  

Because I was a damn slow learner.  If I could get this, anyone can.

So today, I want to let you in on my recipe for having it all.  It’s just six transformational ingredients.  Follow these an add your own personal spice, and you will have it all too.

  1. Know what it is that you want. 
    • Not what other people have or what you think you should want, but what YOU really want.  Is it peace of mind? Is it joy? Is it a clean house? Is it a fitter body? Is it free time to do nothing? Write down everything you really want and then keep revisiting that list.  Your mind will start finding ways and attracting opportunities to make it happen.
  1. Block and delete haters.
    • Haters love to hate.  They see you shining, and they will rush right in to tell you it’s not going to last.  Or they ask you how you can be so content while atrocities are happening in your own extended family or in your neighbourhood or some other random place on the planet.  I usually put on my extremely expensive invisible noise-cancelling headphones when they start talking.  Just let them fade out of your life, because otherwise you are wasting precious manifesting energy in countering their arguments in your own head.
  1. Feel it now.
    • Instead of waiting for the outcomes to bring you happiness, commit to happiness now. I had to embrace happiness when I was 80 lbs. over-weight and with a freshly shaven head (shaven with a Bic razor, I mean, that hair was gonzo!) and only then was I able to start transforming my body and mind and let that fat (and all the emotions it carried) melt away.  So be happy now, and more good things will show up for you.
  1. Refuse to make excuses.
    • If you are not doing something you want to be doing, please don’t blame it on time or money or other people.  You aren’t doing it because you haven’t prioritized it.  Period.  I know smokers who constantly complain about being broke, but can always find $10 (plus tax!) for a pack of smokes.  If you want something, you will find a way to get it.  If you are late for something or you let someone down, just say sorry.  No excuses.  Excuses suck.
  1. Build your tribe.
    • The people who knew you and loved you ten years ago were the right people for you then.  If they have not grown or changed or expanded since then, chances are they will be an energy-suck.  Lovingly, and graciously let them go, and stop chasing them.  You will always have those sweet memories, but you don’t need to continue to be a sounding board for their drama.  Your tribe will be people who get you today and who have a shared vision for big things in the future.  They will support you even on your crabby days and will hold you accountable.  Don’t worry about recruiting them.  When you are ready, they will start showing up.  Acknowledge them when they get here, and celebrate how far you have come through noticing who you spend the most time with.
  1. Remind yourself why you came here.
    • Each one of us incarnated onto this Earth with a very specific purpose.  For some, it was to spread joy.  For others, it was to bring beauty or music or art.  Some of us came to be incredible parents or siblings who would make other people’s lives richer.  Whatever you came to do, do it.  If you don’t know, think about what you use to love to do when you were six years old.  Was it riding your bike with the neighbourhood kids or playing with your dog or doing cartwheels or doing arts and crafts? Start doing those things again and you are on the path to understanding your real mission here on the planet.
  1. Say thank you often and mean it.
    • There is so much you already have to be grateful for.  I know that can seem like a stretch sometimes, but chances are if you are reading this on an electronic device, you are already richer than the majority of the people on the planet.  Say thank you to your parents for the big and small ways they made you into the person you are. Say thank you to your kids and/or partner and friends for putting up with your temporary insanity moments.  Say thank you to yourself that you made it this far and you are determined to have the life you always wanted.  Say thank you to the powers-that-be for all the hidden ways you are loved and protected everyday.

So that’s it, my secret recipe to having it all.  Try it out, and make it your own.  You really can have the life you have been dreaming about.  You just need to move on now from the dreaming phase into calling it in.

Dr. Saira Sabzaali

Dr. Saira Sabzaali

Dr. Saira (she/her) provides mental health support through individual counselling, groups, immersive workshops/courses, and free educational content. Over the last 14 years, we have helped men and women of many backgrounds find answers to their questions about work, life, love, and meaning. Much mainstream psychology overlooks spirituality, family values, and community context, so we have decided to specialize in serving clients who are ready for change and also want to include their cultural values and spiritual beliefs into therapy.

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